I am still upset about the damn dog. Tears, were pulled in the corners of both eyes threatening to spill over, but it wasn’t until *SPOILER ALERT, I saw the trail of blood from where the puppy had dragged its dying corpse to protect and be near its master that all concentrated effort of maintaining my composure gave in.
I Lost it.
I used to be offended by this word, sensitive. Now, I understand a depth behind its unknown character in today’s overtly sensitive world. I am not upset, by what others think of me. For too long I have lived from a shameless nature, one that leaps into the unknown for any and all sake of love, but also a nature that cannot be tamed, only fueled. I am sensitive in how aware I am of the feelings of others and always have been. To the heightened degree that movies like John Wick to Dead Pool to lighter films of action adventure, like Star Wars, used to be on an “impossible list”, I have managed to learn from this emotional connection and tune it out for when reality is not reality but in fact entertainment. As a child, my more literal brain had a difficulty discerning truth from reality, entertainment from the very real wicked world I believed existed. I would place myself so in depth with the characters and environments that I would internalize and mentally antagonize my sleep, creating an insomnia living nightmare. I hated the dark, hated the night. Hated the terror that lurked. Now, I actually enjoy going through my husband’s ever-growing list of “must see” films, classics, adventure titles, older movies, so many Marvel or DC Movies I can’t even keep track. My movi-ducation has been sorely lacking my entire life, but it wasn’t until the last year that we began making a solid effort to cross these movies off one by one. Finding the source and identifying how I need to receive this form of entertainment has been entertaining to say the least. His sincere effort to literally walk me ahead of the film, with patience only a Saint could boast of, has helped me overcome each movie, each time… but, even today, I am still upset about the damn dog. There is a phrase, “thick skin” for those who need to learn how to receive criticism. I have been by the grace of God receiving that education since I was a child. But there is a power behind being vulnerable, allowing yourself to be truly sensitive, even if it’s to a movie, the depth of exposing our feelings and letting them air on occasion has become a negative thing, when it is even more a powerful tool to exercise. Somehow transparency became a weakness, but it has remained one of my greatest strengths always. In this very movie, John Wick’s transparency of fighting for something, even if that thing was just a reminder that he wasn’t alone in his grief, was worth fighting for. Worth dying for. He wasn’t just an assassin, he was a human with depth and character. A man who couldn’t face grieving alone. In his wife’s foresight, a love greater than the human heart can comprehend, knew what her husband would need and so sent it. That hope alone, was the thing worth fighting for, living for, using talents forgotten, buried and dead. Raising them to new life through avenging his own heart, in fighting to hold onto his hope. I can usually handle the movie, even when I occasionally “lose it”, as long as I get my nerdy questions answered along the way, I enjoy it, especially when I know the end and my characters will be/ reign victorious. See, if this is what I do to an action movie, can you only imagine where my mind went for Harry Potter? Jurrasic Park? Gone With the Wind.. oi.
I think we forgot the art and truth of transparency. The gift in revealing oneself for nothing other than the testimony and love that we are not alone. It takes incredibly enduring skin to wear your heart on your sleeve, loving and living from a place that is raw, humble, but powerful in its own right. There is a sensitivity that engages from a place of heart and tender mercy.
I know, it’s a freaking puppy… but it was, even in it’s darkest hour, an example of love sent, faithful to it’s last breath. And that is what kills me. How something so small, can teach us over and over again the point. Love. We’re not alone. It’s worth engaging in a war to redeem, save, remember and hold onto.
I know.. a Puppy.
If you haven’t see the movie.. you should. It’s awesome. Much the same as the Kingdom, in the end, he wins. Worth the watch, darling friends.