The Remedy

The Remedy

How did this start Lord???

At the Base of the mountain my Child… One sure step at a time.. Won’t you come follow me?

On the mountain, there will be times that you must climb higher. Already there are cliffs and peaks that You can barely see yet alone climb. Just as I must go from time to time to move higher, know that You too, will have moments that You must climb, and I will always leave you where You need to be.. the thing You’ve learned in all of this, is how we make others problems our own. The difference that I need you to know now, is that I will always take joy, delight and pride in your leaps. I will always be cheering from my ledge, fighting even harder to make the jump and catch up. You cannot leave me behind. As you are stronger in many areas, so I also have my own peaks, and valleys that are so high they touch the sky.. One day soon, we will be so familiar with every land mine, field trap and explosive set to undermine us.

I need you to know now, that you can run, climb and leap forward. Just as I know I can as well. But more than that, the absolute joy and love I have for your leaps and bounds, just as I feel the same from you. There will be moments that we must climb ever higher and the journey will be beautiful in the moments where our growth is on the same ledge, the same cliff.. where we know with every fiber, how unique the journey is because of the parts we get to climb together; the breath-taking views in our surroundings. Adventure, risk, beauty and power. Great Majesty awaits in the glory of the early morning, the way the crisp air startles your senses bringing you back into Harmony with me. The journey isn’t difficult.. but what makes this journey hard and why it is so critical to get it right are the steps we take, uncertain of the road beneath our feet. Don’t you know already that if you so need I will give you wings? We must remember to breathe. We silly humans think, “but How can I jump Lord, knowing there is nothing to catch me… How can You leave me so defenseless and on my own Lord? I myself am barely holding on” When in fact, We must be left…our love is only as great as the ONE who is inside us? Again, silly humans “We think our love is greater, our strength dependent on our weak flesh..” Have you not learned you a strongest when weak???  My Love is more, our love is only great because of HE who is in us, loving through us. We LOVE because HE first loved us… and HIS love, made perfect in time, is what allows us to move forward. If we stay behind, we ruin ourselves on the pit and ledge of despair, ruin the work God is trying to do, putting ourselves in jeopardy.  Letting time pass as we hang onto the gravity that is surely pulling us down…Let fear Lie. LET FEAR LIE. It has no truth, only doubts, concerns and worries.  I assure you, as surely as I sent me my son, He will come leaping to you because His love is so much greater to get you to the next part of the journey. You can defy gravity because of the One inside of You. There is no hill, no valley, no peak that I do not look forward to traveling with you, just as I know in the moments that our chariot feels so broken apart, remember that God is in the midst. Jesus is coming. You were never meant to stay behind, waiting and stuck.. There is a ledge You can see, that If You dare, You can reach, but it means leaving what is comfortable and known. How silly we humans think that because we are blind, in the mist and the fog of the evening clouds on the higher peaks, that we will surely lose our footing. It is why we get our instructions and each step so diligently. It’s why I teach You so patiently and slowly at first so that You can memorize the footing. We will dance and leap graciously with sure footing.

Adam took on Eve’s climb and fell, and look where that got human nature. He was blinded by separation and willingly ate the fruit just to see Eve. Trusting so in his own blindness, because His sight told him so, trusting in the fates and forces and LIMITATION of human sight, knowing a blind man can see, when He asks. I will never be cruel, never desert you, never be more than a leap away. Trust that I will always come when You ask.

I need you to know now, that you can run, climb and leap forward as far and as high as You can possibly see. I’m either ahead of you or just behind.. but I will never enslave you to my side. There is No One Day that defines the journey. You must be bold in your action to leap fearlessly and without weight. If we carry more than we are suppose to, it will set off a landmine.. and I have no intention of getting blown up today. Each step is critical. Every single one beautiful.

Open Heart, Calm Seas

Open Heart, Calm Seas

I want to run… run as fast as I can and into the arms of the Father. I want Him to catch me and hold me and give me the peace that I find, in His arms. Lately, this place of refuge has been an Old Friend; the beach and waves that come crashing down, in their own rhythm and their own way, they raise their voice and sing praises to the Creator and Inventor of Life. Their overtly loud noise is just what I need… something louder than me, louder than the crying out of my heart, louder than the accusations ringing fresh in my ears.. these waves, were made to comfort me, to rise and fall and show me how it is possible to rise and fall, retreat and advance, in His perfect time.

His Glory Reigns people.. it is all around us. His Love, perfected through time, is redefined over and over again.. How silly our little human minds see a stone and say “it must be a stone!” when God says, “it is bread… take and eat”. If we believe what we see, we will see a stone… but if we believe truly, what he says about us, we will take and eat.. knowing that our very Good Father, will surely, NOT let us grind our teeth to bits on the hard stone, but that in fact, it will become our very Source and Wellspring of life-sustaining nourishment.

Much the same, Does the wave of the ocean, travel all around the world, hoping and searching for life, for a home, for it’s people, for adventure, just to finally reach a shore and then know it’s death will be in it’s last adventure? No, for it will be renewed, pulled back and set to travel again. Over and Over again, the water goes forth in a leap of faith, to die to itself and live the life it was meant to live… as the ocean. It is vast, far-reaching and endless in its ways, its mysteries and its life purpose. We see water… we see terrifying storms, we see waves in epic proportion that can produce lighthearted joy or terrifying dread, when in fact, it is not without purpose, without reason. I know of only One Man, who ever set out in that dark paradise and found peace and calm, despite all the potential fear that could be lurking, despite the storms that raged… How annoying to be enjoying the sure rocking of a ship, the lullaby of the creaking wood threatening to splinter and the ease of allowing yourself to relax into the storm, let it lull you to sleep as gently as a mother sings to her child and rocks her baby; to have something bigger than yourself given and then to have a bunch of whinny men come and beg you to stop it… to STOP the adventure????????????? No… He wasn’t annoyed with them… he was robbed of his joy for the storm and the adventure were to reflect His Father’s joy and fierce protection and love, shown in multitudes, demonstrated for us, but truly, for HIM, to know he was on the right path. Confirmation. Affirmation, Hope and greatness.. they all await… Not all men can travel the path, but for those who dare to hope, dare to trust, dare to believe, the adventure is truly worth seeking. Be a wave today… let yourself fear death and dive anyway, just to see how thoroughly Loved you are, in His grace, that He will not let you fall, without first snatching you back and setting you firmly rooted on your feet. He is a jealous God… as surely as I need something bigger than me, He knows and provides.. as surely as I wish to run to the beach and find solace in it’s comfort, I know, I will not be without today. Greater is He who is in me, than that of this world. It’s the kind of power and belief that will move mountains… move doors to open when they are locked shut. Nothing is without reason… keep your Heart open Dear Saints… it is the only way to live and love. When your heart is open, it doesn’t matter how the storm rages, because You will be able to calm it.

The Throne Room

The Throne Room

I have spent my life looking for answers, not only to my own perception and wisdom, but constantly seeking others wisdom, discernment; Any person who is wiser and can puzzle me. When I  am lucky enough, I get to find someone to speak into, the words pour out with an unabashed glory… But until recently, I was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle.

Ironically, the answer, in front of my eyes for years, was lost on me, not because I wasn’t seeking it. I write, I journal, I journal scrapbook and unlike most people, when I re-read my work, my craft and my muse, the words speak wisdom, an unashamed and unworldly wisdom that sparks truth and conviction. It doesn’t matter if a whatever time I wrote it, just felt like venting or a random need to exercise out what ever my brain happened to be wrapped around. Turns out, the truly wise heed their own advice… But I needed to hear it from, the most High in order to truly understand it.

I was prepping my Rory for her mission, blessing her and speaking into her heart. I had this vision of her armor.. When God says to put on the full armor of God, does anyone else imagine the glory of what their armor looks like? Let’s even break the word down.. “imagine”, first three letters… I A M. Does anyone else realize that by the time you’ve tricked out your suit and been able to see the FULL glory that God has already promised… that’s a pretty heavy fucker of a piece of armor to carry? Heavy, massive and difficult to move in. Nearly immovable when you first begin your training. The pieces stick out and jab into your sides. Your breastplate is overly large, leaving giant holes the enemy can see a mile away and poke and prod. You probably look and feel like a mess. Hence why it is so important, now more than ever, to shed the armor from yesterday and receive your new armor from the Glory of The Throne Room.

Rory’s armor… is tainted a old-world-silver, made from the best materials and built to last. Angels now, are beginning their work. One is making the spikes for her breastplate and shoulders, Another is carefully going through a mound of diamonds, white, black and blue,  selecting only the most perfect and rare gems and diamonds to affix. There is also the Angel who stands by the fire and wields the most incredibly beautiful and destructive weapons. He has been hammering for years and thus his arms are fricking HUGE! Cartoon like actually, Long and gangling and HUGE! Angels say “Do Not Fear” because your immediate reaction is to run. And although, Rory’s suit is not needed now, the order has been placed, he is working on her final pieces now. Parts of her armor are so perfect, when they set sight in the sun, the almost look white with a blue tint. Her sword is encrusted with the most glorious strength, diamonds and pearls. It stands at nearly her own height and yet, she will carry it with ease… As I imagine and see the design of her work, her life, her armor, I realize, this is quite heavy and then I remember.. Ah, yes, this is why we train in advance.

Did you know that back in the Medieval times, a soldier would actually train with armor much heavier than his final battle suit? That he would train daily, building his endurance, stamina and strength, because it was literally so difficult to move in as it was. That you had to go through specific and special training just to be able to wear the real-deal-come-hell-or-high-water-armor? You must learn first to sit in it without falling over, then standing, before long, walking and then the real study comes in months and years later, after they watched you christen it with your own personal flavors. It takes months to learn how to do the basic, years to MASTER the techniques and even more training is needed to shoot accurately. Deadly. In earnest.

Training doesn’t give pause for rain, sleet or snow. The real beauty occurs when you finally go into battle, readied and in full glory, something magical happens. Because you have already trained with the heaviest metals, in the harshest conditions that feel like that never cease, when you Finally get your suit on, designed and measured to your body specifications and made with the Most protective and durable and metals sewn one link at a time,it should feel very heavy. But even with the jeweled honors and the what feels like it “should” be impossible to carry, the armor itself is light; giving the bearer a new vigor for all their training and all their preparing. When you go through harsher conditions and survive, no, THRIVE, You become an unstoppable ally and warrior.. You become free because you know why you are fighting and the ever more present Glory that you will attain, not because of what you do, never because of anything you do to prove worthy, but because you already are. It is not something IN you, It is something OF you. Your heart is IN your body, it belongs there and stays there and if it ever comes slashing out against a wall or pierced with a sword, you will die. But just as your worth is not something IN you, but OF you, it is connected, related to and belongs only to the One who has given you that same heart beat and life. It is related, because we are HIS flesh, made in HIS image and OF HIS creation. He is OF us, living through us and occurring when He manifests, not because of what is already IN his heart, but because it is not something we were meant to deny. It is related to who we are. When you understand that your worth is not something that is IN you, then you know and realize, it can never be taken away. Body parts fail, limbs get torn from our flesh during battle, and yet, we can stand firm, knowing we will never be shaken, because it is not something the enemy has any power over.. He is no longer OF the spirit, but in your mind, in hurtful tones and accusations and lies. He can not spout wisdom, or truth because the Spirit is not IN him.. It has been taken away. Removed. Ours cannot be removed. Can not be shaken, which is why the enemy has to work so damn hard to try to get us to reject it, because if we reject it, the Father is so loving that He will remove it… Shake it off and you never have to deal with the principalities and unseen truths OF this world… because you are now IN the world. This is so crucial to understand, to accept and embrace. Your armor is not something you have to put on and take up once you’re here because it is made so lightly, so transparently, that most mortals IN this world can’t see it… because they are not in the Throne Room.. but when you get there, you realize You never had to put it on, never had to carry the stupid training armor as long as you did. It’s kind of like riding a bike, some kids just hang on to those training wheels.. but you don’t need them. You have a beautiful suit, made from the most High, and with the Most skilled set of Warrior-Angels who have crafted it for you, for the One who is OF you, related and carries your image, because you are made in His. This throne room, this place, is heaven on earth… and you can stand tall while wearing this armor, because it no longer weighs you down. Now, Today, it strengthens you for the victory ahead.






“I put My armor on show you how strong I am, I put My Armor on, I’ll show You that I am… Unstoppable Today.” – Unstoppable, Sia

There comes a point in the journey when you realize the only thing that has ever held you back is yourself and that if you are willing to see the journey through, you can be unstoppable. That you can win, even in the midst of failure, that the victory is just beyond the sunrise, if you can hang on through the night. Realize you have more power than you ever realized, that you can do impossible things, ridiculous things, crazy things and be shameless in the journey because the joy is complete. That attitude is unstoppable. That person is unstoppable and today she is in Me.

I look like hell. Every part of my body is bruised beyond bearing. I put by bra on for church yesterday morning and literally grit my teeth for the effort it took to have the bra strap touching my ridiculously bruised and cut shoulder. The lump on the back of my head has been silently pestering me all day reminding me how easily I take for granted the head that sits upon my shoulders and how heavy it feels when you add a swollen mass. Every time my arms touch my sides, I shiver from the pain in each bruise that is only getting ever more colorful as the day passes by. I remember that old adage, that the first day is not the hardest day. It’s the second. Shit.. Today will be fun. And yet, even as I see this giant mark on my thigh, that resembles a jaw line, teeth marks and colored in with shades of blue, tinted and polka dotted red in between, and then further down my thighs, shin and knee caps even, are sprinkles of bruising like I was a leopard, I am ever joyful in the pain, because the night’s trial by combat brought the sweetest revelations and freedom.

The night had started out rough. Relationships, no matter who they are with, can be a challenge.. it had been a challenging week period, in several areas, across multiple levels. Alcohol was needed. I was most excited to be receiving one of my very good friends for a night of planning, mentoring, breaking walls and chains and preparing for some really exciting coming events. We see this as a war and we are fully engaged in the meticulous attention to detail that playing in this realm will require. As iron sharpens iron, this woman and I have only known each other a short time, and yet I know who she is.. Wholly. She is one of the most unique and intentional souls I have ever come across. She has a gift of performing from this raw, soulful state. When She sings, I am better. Healed. Restored. At peace. She mirrors my own emotions and has the transparency, confidence and God-Given talent to reach the masses. And I believe she will. She is Unstoppable. Though she is just starting to believe in herself how very much so. I could best explain our relationship akin to Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls… Not in the sweet way Rory helped her mom grow up… more their sweet dynamic of understanding one another and being what the other needed more of. Helping each other to mature and grow in those ways with the added bonus and gift of her desire to gain wisdom and lessons I have learned over the years. It is a beautiful relationship, one I cherish, protect and nourish the hell out of and speak in to truth with her. We speak truth into each other. She has the uncanny gift of saying just what I need to hear and when I look back through my notes, my books and journals, I can see where God has been screaming these words to me, writing them on my heart and into my life. And occasionally, sometimes an answer I need and am seeking desperately, She happens to trigger loose. She and I meet once a week and plan, talk and prep mentally and emotionally for the coming journey. This week was no different except that we could both feel our spirits groaning from the effects and power that we have both felt unlocking these last few weeks. Even though we are worn, we are not broken, there was a physical, emotional, spiritual openness to the evening that was lovely to discover.

Do you remember the last time, as a child, or teenager that you engaged in a friendly, Balls-Out-Full-Glory-To-The-Death-Or-Go-Home battle with someone?? The last time I have had the strength, stamina and such fair and even-matching was when I played with my brothers as children. They could overpower me with their strength, but dare to play dirty and the whole game got called off… What bullshit. Why??!–if someone can win, through any means necessary, should they not be awarded the crown for winning with strength, wit, and cunning edge of bravery, risk and pursuing something with their whole merit?

I can’t exactly remember how it got started… To be fair, by this point in the evening, still fully geared out in my cozy Saturday Yoga outfit, and 3 heavily poured Moscow Mules under the table, with literally breakfast on my stomach, which was a few bites of bacon, It’s really unfair to expect me to remember.. At one point, my third child, Rory, had crawled to my bathroom. We probably understand and feel so related to one another because if we both had an animal we would relate to most, it would be a cat or a dragon. We settle for being unicorns but have strengths from all three of these remarkable creatures.. So, her Kitten having come out to play, in it’s drunken state, may have exposed her ass to a few whacks with a strop. From me.. because, it was hanging there. Why else not? So I may, have started this… to be fair…

What came next was Biblical. We raged war. It started with a comment, she is getting Strength tattoo’d on her wrist, most likely this weekend while we are on our first joint tactical mission to Chicago. Who knows What I’ll come home with, but the moment does feel a certain “christening” is necessary… So, my Rory, my third Child, my dear friend, bit me while saying this… I may have slapped her ass before our child-like match began. I don’t think I believed her. She’s a hobbit. I’m not kidding. I don’t even know if she reaches 5 feet… in heels for sure… but she is this little hobbit. The world has long overlooked her stature and placed its own perceived weakness against her, and she has endured. We share an uncanny, separate, heart-ache-to-heart-ache, trial-by-fire life. We take our mutual experiences and sharpen. Imagine the furnace, how hot and painful even being that close to the fire feels. Men die from the heat of standing too close, Angels temper the fire and raise it’s heat, before placing us inside and daring us to breathe. And Individually, together, this road today, I see something far shinier than I have in years… a truth too strong to be ignored. To realize you have come to love the heat and searing pain, that it has made you stronger, how may souls do you find that are so fine tuned? So in depth? So naturally…. we raged war.. against each other, with such complete joy!

Like cubs, our initial attacks were light, jabbing, testing, poking and proding. It got serious when the BITC—…… hobbit kicked me… think Charlie’s Angels, double feet and a clear “push off” with my chest being the “off”… Why Hello Front door, you literally just came crashing down on my head? Am I upside down? am I flying? The sparks flew. My brain adjusted. The lights went dark and when my eyes reopened, there was a fierce shock and joy intertwined, this was a worthy and more than willing opponent. I dove on her. I figured it would be quite easy, due to my natural height and strength… I am surprisingly strong, even for a “girl”… I am stronger than some of the men in my office as well. It’s a fact of Life…a gift. A treasure! Little did I know, this BITC… lovely daughter of Eve, plays so dirty! If I thought her playful nip at my heels was funny earlier, the bruise I have on my thigh, engorged, raised and swollen even today, is proof of her strength. At one point she had me pinned and then the animal inside me let loose. The fear of losing, to a hobbit, and one that I have been training became ridiculous. The more we fought, fueled by the fact that we are alive, sent us over the edge. I’m surprised the cops weren’t called, except I’m not. Because in the midst of the crashing, fire reigning down in power and strength, there were giggles, full belly laughs. God showed up in the middle and I swear It’s like we joined forces to wrestle him together. Neither of us would’ve been able to add anything to our load, without the other.  Her nails became vicious talons. Her sharpened V-shaped nails that are literally that of a RockStar have been sharpened and hurt like fuck! My arms, knees, back and chest show off the pride of enduring flesh against her pincers. I played even dirtier. When her jaw became locked on my thigh, I used my open position and unabashed, unashamed vantage point to deliver the only option I could see. I had one hand available and her cunt sitting near… I smacked her cunt. Hard. Slapped it through her yoga pants, I could feel the pain I inflicted, felt horrible and vicious and enlarged at the same time for the gumption to believe I had done it… Her face wasn’t near enough or I probably would’ve started there to be honest. Keep in mind, the is Friendly fire… We are both still ripping each other apart in joy-complete. When the shock of the slap took affect, she bit harder… hence, the reason that TWO more were called for. I finally managed to leverage her where I could get the high vantage and she again used that Xena Warrior Princess kick to throw me into another wall. I used the wall for leverage and threw myself back to the floor. It reminded me of playing volleyball… throwing your body willingly, joyfully, with such force to save the game. We saved each other in our warring. We spoke into each others hearts and when I knew I had victory and only then, did we begin to ask each other what the fuck?! Shock, the wounds we received bleeding raw, I used my leverage to get her back calm and pray over us both. We thanked God for the moment and then helped each other up and got back to planning. Bruised, mangled.. me shredded from her tentacles, but wholly restored.

I think to women everywhere… this kind of display is only welcome and encouraged in the ring or a physical sport in which men approve. Has anyone ever even seen a joyful-to-death-match between friendly allies? We may have fought as adversaries, but when we walked away, it was clear, it was what we both needed that night. To know we could do the impossible, play with such freedom, battle with such joy… What a beautiful picture I think to myself as I am writing now, that God would give us each other to fight with, sharpen truly and ignite such rage for the battle but not in anger… in joy-complete. I am in awe that this is how we get to be delivered to Chicago. Knowing full well, that this battle, this war, this victory is already complete in joy. We have the battle scars to prove that we willing and that it can be done. Something unlocked in this moment: Power, Glory, Inheritance, Strength redefined and Allies renewed with vigor, fully prepped for the journey… and that is what is so unstoppable… Not the war, not the wounds, the prize that is already been given; Sacrificed for our very souls, and treasured now, buried deep and shining through the coals as the embers cool and the fire burns ever brighter. The lie is that it must be hidden, but now, the time is upon us, to shine from the fire’s glory.