“I put My armor on show you how strong I am, I put My Armor on, I’ll show You that I am… Unstoppable Today.” – Unstoppable, Sia
There comes a point in the journey when you realize the only thing that has ever held you back is yourself and that if you are willing to see the journey through, you can be unstoppable. That you can win, even in the midst of failure, that the victory is just beyond the sunrise, if you can hang on through the night. Realize you have more power than you ever realized, that you can do impossible things, ridiculous things, crazy things and be shameless in the journey because the joy is complete. That attitude is unstoppable. That person is unstoppable and today she is in Me.
I look like hell. Every part of my body is bruised beyond bearing. I put by bra on for church yesterday morning and literally grit my teeth for the effort it took to have the bra strap touching my ridiculously bruised and cut shoulder. The lump on the back of my head has been silently pestering me all day reminding me how easily I take for granted the head that sits upon my shoulders and how heavy it feels when you add a swollen mass. Every time my arms touch my sides, I shiver from the pain in each bruise that is only getting ever more colorful as the day passes by. I remember that old adage, that the first day is not the hardest day. It’s the second. Shit.. Today will be fun. And yet, even as I see this giant mark on my thigh, that resembles a jaw line, teeth marks and colored in with shades of blue, tinted and polka dotted red in between, and then further down my thighs, shin and knee caps even, are sprinkles of bruising like I was a leopard, I am ever joyful in the pain, because the night’s trial by combat brought the sweetest revelations and freedom.
The night had started out rough. Relationships, no matter who they are with, can be a challenge.. it had been a challenging week period, in several areas, across multiple levels. Alcohol was needed. I was most excited to be receiving one of my very good friends for a night of planning, mentoring, breaking walls and chains and preparing for some really exciting coming events. We see this as a war and we are fully engaged in the meticulous attention to detail that playing in this realm will require. As iron sharpens iron, this woman and I have only known each other a short time, and yet I know who she is.. Wholly. She is one of the most unique and intentional souls I have ever come across. She has a gift of performing from this raw, soulful state. When She sings, I am better. Healed. Restored. At peace. She mirrors my own emotions and has the transparency, confidence and God-Given talent to reach the masses. And I believe she will. She is Unstoppable. Though she is just starting to believe in herself how very much so. I could best explain our relationship akin to Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls… Not in the sweet way Rory helped her mom grow up… more their sweet dynamic of understanding one another and being what the other needed more of. Helping each other to mature and grow in those ways with the added bonus and gift of her desire to gain wisdom and lessons I have learned over the years. It is a beautiful relationship, one I cherish, protect and nourish the hell out of and speak in to truth with her. We speak truth into each other. She has the uncanny gift of saying just what I need to hear and when I look back through my notes, my books and journals, I can see where God has been screaming these words to me, writing them on my heart and into my life. And occasionally, sometimes an answer I need and am seeking desperately, She happens to trigger loose. She and I meet once a week and plan, talk and prep mentally and emotionally for the coming journey. This week was no different except that we could both feel our spirits groaning from the effects and power that we have both felt unlocking these last few weeks. Even though we are worn, we are not broken, there was a physical, emotional, spiritual openness to the evening that was lovely to discover.
Do you remember the last time, as a child, or teenager that you engaged in a friendly, Balls-Out-Full-Glory-To-The-Death-Or-Go-Home battle with someone?? The last time I have had the strength, stamina and such fair and even-matching was when I played with my brothers as children. They could overpower me with their strength, but dare to play dirty and the whole game got called off… What bullshit. Why??!–if someone can win, through any means necessary, should they not be awarded the crown for winning with strength, wit, and cunning edge of bravery, risk and pursuing something with their whole merit?
I can’t exactly remember how it got started… To be fair, by this point in the evening, still fully geared out in my cozy Saturday Yoga outfit, and 3 heavily poured Moscow Mules under the table, with literally breakfast on my stomach, which was a few bites of bacon, It’s really unfair to expect me to remember.. At one point, my third child, Rory, had crawled to my bathroom. We probably understand and feel so related to one another because if we both had an animal we would relate to most, it would be a cat or a dragon. We settle for being unicorns but have strengths from all three of these remarkable creatures.. So, her Kitten having come out to play, in it’s drunken state, may have exposed her ass to a few whacks with a strop. From me.. because, it was hanging there. Why else not? So I may, have started this… to be fair…
What came next was Biblical. We raged war. It started with a comment, she is getting Strength tattoo’d on her wrist, most likely this weekend while we are on our first joint tactical mission to Chicago. Who knows What I’ll come home with, but the moment does feel a certain “christening” is necessary… So, my Rory, my third Child, my dear friend, bit me while saying this… I may have slapped her ass before our child-like match began. I don’t think I believed her. She’s a hobbit. I’m not kidding. I don’t even know if she reaches 5 feet… in heels for sure… but she is this little hobbit. The world has long overlooked her stature and placed its own perceived weakness against her, and she has endured. We share an uncanny, separate, heart-ache-to-heart-ache, trial-by-fire life. We take our mutual experiences and sharpen. Imagine the furnace, how hot and painful even being that close to the fire feels. Men die from the heat of standing too close, Angels temper the fire and raise it’s heat, before placing us inside and daring us to breathe. And Individually, together, this road today, I see something far shinier than I have in years… a truth too strong to be ignored. To realize you have come to love the heat and searing pain, that it has made you stronger, how may souls do you find that are so fine tuned? So in depth? So naturally…. we raged war.. against each other, with such complete joy!
Like cubs, our initial attacks were light, jabbing, testing, poking and proding. It got serious when the BITC—…… hobbit kicked me… think Charlie’s Angels, double feet and a clear “push off” with my chest being the “off”… Why Hello Front door, you literally just came crashing down on my head? Am I upside down? am I flying? The sparks flew. My brain adjusted. The lights went dark and when my eyes reopened, there was a fierce shock and joy intertwined, this was a worthy and more than willing opponent. I dove on her. I figured it would be quite easy, due to my natural height and strength… I am surprisingly strong, even for a “girl”… I am stronger than some of the men in my office as well. It’s a fact of Life…a gift. A treasure! Little did I know, this BITC… lovely daughter of Eve, plays so dirty! If I thought her playful nip at my heels was funny earlier, the bruise I have on my thigh, engorged, raised and swollen even today, is proof of her strength. At one point she had me pinned and then the animal inside me let loose. The fear of losing, to a hobbit, and one that I have been training became ridiculous. The more we fought, fueled by the fact that we are alive, sent us over the edge. I’m surprised the cops weren’t called, except I’m not. Because in the midst of the crashing, fire reigning down in power and strength, there were giggles, full belly laughs. God showed up in the middle and I swear It’s like we joined forces to wrestle him together. Neither of us would’ve been able to add anything to our load, without the other. Her nails became vicious talons. Her sharpened V-shaped nails that are literally that of a RockStar have been sharpened and hurt like fuck! My arms, knees, back and chest show off the pride of enduring flesh against her pincers. I played even dirtier. When her jaw became locked on my thigh, I used my open position and unabashed, unashamed vantage point to deliver the only option I could see. I had one hand available and her cunt sitting near… I smacked her cunt. Hard. Slapped it through her yoga pants, I could feel the pain I inflicted, felt horrible and vicious and enlarged at the same time for the gumption to believe I had done it… Her face wasn’t near enough or I probably would’ve started there to be honest. Keep in mind, the is Friendly fire… We are both still ripping each other apart in joy-complete. When the shock of the slap took affect, she bit harder… hence, the reason that TWO more were called for. I finally managed to leverage her where I could get the high vantage and she again used that Xena Warrior Princess kick to throw me into another wall. I used the wall for leverage and threw myself back to the floor. It reminded me of playing volleyball… throwing your body willingly, joyfully, with such force to save the game. We saved each other in our warring. We spoke into each others hearts and when I knew I had victory and only then, did we begin to ask each other what the fuck?! Shock, the wounds we received bleeding raw, I used my leverage to get her back calm and pray over us both. We thanked God for the moment and then helped each other up and got back to planning. Bruised, mangled.. me shredded from her tentacles, but wholly restored.
I think to women everywhere… this kind of display is only welcome and encouraged in the ring or a physical sport in which men approve. Has anyone ever even seen a joyful-to-death-match between friendly allies? We may have fought as adversaries, but when we walked away, it was clear, it was what we both needed that night. To know we could do the impossible, play with such freedom, battle with such joy… What a beautiful picture I think to myself as I am writing now, that God would give us each other to fight with, sharpen truly and ignite such rage for the battle but not in anger… in joy-complete. I am in awe that this is how we get to be delivered to Chicago. Knowing full well, that this battle, this war, this victory is already complete in joy. We have the battle scars to prove that we willing and that it can be done. Something unlocked in this moment: Power, Glory, Inheritance, Strength redefined and Allies renewed with vigor, fully prepped for the journey… and that is what is so unstoppable… Not the war, not the wounds, the prize that is already been given; Sacrificed for our very souls, and treasured now, buried deep and shining through the coals as the embers cool and the fire burns ever brighter. The lie is that it must be hidden, but now, the time is upon us, to shine from the fire’s glory.